


Unspoken

by love_killed_the_superstar



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, F/F, Gem War, Implied/Referenced Torture, Rebellion, Renegade Pearl, Self-Destruction, Self-Harm, War Era, in response to that one scene in gemcation, it's... not very pleasant, tagging it to be cautious, warning is because she cuts off her own hand
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-13
Updated: 2017-11-13
Packaged: 2019-02-01 15:14:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12707526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/love_killed_the_superstar/pseuds/love_killed_the_superstar
Summary: Pearl is rendered unable to speak, and tries various solutions to undo the override.





	Unspoken

**Author's Note:**

> I would like to apologise. This is, like, almost entirely Pearl pain, because sometimes you just have to let your faves suffer. I've seen a lot of different theories around this and the one I've used here isn't my favourite, but I figured it would be cool (read as, painful) if it worked like a key phrase could override a pearl's autonomy. By cool, I mean fucked up. Very fucked up.  
> Warning ahead for some, er... self-inflicted torture, I guess? Dunno if it falls under self harm or not, but, she's desperate enough to break and hack off body parts so... read at your own risk.

“To tell these truths is to forsake White Diamond herself.”

A curse, or perhaps programming. Those simple words are like a knife to her throat, cutting off her airways. An activation key, that keeps her from speaking. They keep her from speaking the awful truth, things that others simply cannot know, and it's worse than being tortured, or cracked, worse than being talked over and dismissed and ignored.

She's heard tales of pearls used this way on Homeworld. So often they are told these cruel words, that no one can pry information from them. They stand there wordlessly crying, biting though their hands, unable to tell. She's seen a pearl shatter themselves against a wall as they wrestle with themselves to talk. It is an unsavoury part of pearl life that no one speaks of. The elites wipe their hands of it, the workers don't know what to say or how to say it.

Defects, they are called. Faulty pearls, broken pearls, defective pearls.

 

…

 

When Rose rescues her from the laboratory in Facet 7, she is weak but refuses to dissipate. The things she had done to her in that narrow pink room will haunt her for days, and the onyx in charge thinks that Homeworld's secrets are under lock and key thanks to this vile code of theirs. It hurts.

“Speak to me, Pearl,” Rose pleads urgently, stumbling out shakily, tripping over her own dress as they scramble for the warp pad. Bismuth and Garnet are holding back the battalions of quartz soldiers chasing them out, but Rose knows they won't be able to fight forever, and Pearl is fading fast.

She opens her mouth, only managing, “An onyx, she-” before her hands shoot up, clapping over her mouth as those damn notes play in her head. The song of ineptitude, piano notes that pulse through her gem just loud enough for her to hear. Rose's expression contorts with dismay.

“No, no, no,” she says desperately, shaking her head. Rose jumps high in the air, landing directly on the warp pad, and yells to Bismuth and Garnet, “Come back safely!”

They are gone in a rush of light, but Pearl can hardly focus. All she feels is the disappointment radiating from Rose.

“Please, no. How could they know? How did they know what to tell you?” Rose begs, clutching Pearl to her and rocking slightly. Pearl shudders, the bruises blooming on her arms and legs telling a thirty-six hour long tale of torture. She knows the answers, but can't answer the questions. Onyx was reading a briefing from White Diamond herself, how to handle the renegade, and what to do if interrupted by the Crystal Gems. The voice activation was pinned up on the notice board beside her, for stars sake.

She pulls her hand away just long enough to say, “The Diamonds-”

It snaps back into place instantly, hitting Rose Quartz square in the face, and Pearl bites down. Hard.

“Please don't,” Rose soothes. Pearl shuts her eyes, feels humiliated as tears burn behind her eyelids. She's a Crystal Gem! She's supposed to be someone Rose can depend on. Homeworld has rendered her so useless, like always.

She hears the sound of the temple door opening. They are in Rose's room, surrounded by pink, but while it usually comforts her, it reminds Pearl of the horrible narrow pink walls of Facet 7, the gems surrounding her with cold stares as they grilled her for information, beat her senselessly, snatched her autonomy away. She begins to shake, hysterics rising in her like a bottle waiting to be uncorked.

“Pearl, Pearl, calm down,” Rose urges, clinging to her fearfully. “Breathe. Please, try it, try to breathe with me.”

Breathing. Ha! Breathing! A human thing for humans, lousy humankind who don't even know of the battles being fought for their planet's safety-

“Regardless,” Rose says, a little more sternly, “it will help you, my Pearl.”

Fuck. Fuck! Shards! Clodding fuck! Why can't she say what she wants to say, and why does she only say the things she wants to keep inside?!

She tries to wrench it away, tries to pull her hand away from her mouth. She tries to break it, but it will not budge. She manages to break three fingers in her attempts, crying out in pain each time, and Rose begs her to stop.

“Cut it off,” Pearl orders, half wishing she'll succumb to the pain before having to resort to this. “I just want it gone!”  
Rose shakes her head in disbelief.

“I'm not doing that,” she says shakily. “You've been injured enough as it is by what they did to you in there!”

“Cut it off!” Pearl snarls, and before Rose can refuse once more, Pearl reaches for the pink blade at her side, wrenching it from the scabbard. Her hand comes off cleanly and she writhes in pain, cursing and gasping. Rose yanks the sword from her slackening grip, feeling her gem turn at the sight before her.

“Why did you do that?!”

“I need to tell you,” Pearl groans out. “Rose, they're-”

The bloody stump clamps over her mouth but without fingers there is no grip. For the first time in a long time, she's grateful that her regeneration is such a flawed thing, or else she's sure her hand would already be back. The one she cut off has dissipated, no longer connected to her gem.

“They're plotting a-”

Her other hand is there instead, and this time, she has no second hand to try and pry it off. She begins to cry again, frustrated tears, distressed shouts muffled by an unbudging hand.

Rose pries it off and holds Pearl's aching hand in her own. Pearl's face is smeared with teal blood, and she is heaving big, pained breaths, chest rising and falling heavily.

“You need to poof,” Rose pleads, kneeling down next to her. “Please, Pearl. You've been hurt, you're suffering, please just let go.”

“Rose, I can't!” She wishes it was that easy. She wishes she could just tell her – _they're plotting an attack, we need to evacuate, there's some kind of ultimate diamond weapon that we need to stop, Rose_ – but it's like wading through mud, like trying to reach Rose in the midst of a battle with a broken leg and half of her body missing.

“You must,” Rose urges.

Her hand is shaking, trying to pull away from Rose, but she holds on. Normally it feels so special, but right now everything in her gem is screaming _this is wrong, must contain the secrets that will harm Her Diamond._

“I have no diamond anymore,” she snaps, eyes screwed shut, and Rose blinks in surprise.

“No, you don't,” she agrees. “You don't have a diamond, you don't need a diamond, you're _Pearl_ and you live for yourself!”

Well... that's a conversation for another day. She tries to gather her jumping thoughts. Tries to figure out how to explain without triggering the override.

“They... are plotting something,” she starts, slowly. Her hand twitches in Rose's, but the urge to pull away isn't quite there yet. Rose's brow furrows.

“The diamonds?” she guesses. Pearl tries to nod, and finds her head refuses to move. She stares at Rose helplessly, tries to mouth “yes”, and her hand violently jerks from Rose's grip. Her right arm, still missing a hand, also pulls closer to her.

“I'll take that as a yes,” Rose says slowly. She arches an eyebrow. “Right?”

Pearl hums an affirmative as best she can.

“The diamonds are plotting something.” Rose is watching Pearl closely, and it hurts to see the way she twitches and glitches and hurts, like every ounce of her is just barely clinging to reality. The pull to regenerate must be nearly unbearable. “Pearl, do you know what?”

She shakes her head weakly, tears of frustration burning her eyes. They don't have time for her clodding useless fracking _conditioning,_ they need to _act._

“W-Warn,” she chokes out, “warn them, w-we need to, need to evacu-”

She's stopped, silenced, this time by her teeth sinking into her tongue hard enough to draw blood. She cries out in pain, unable to stop, and Rose lets go just for a moment – to do what, exactly? Pry open her jaws? Take the bite herself, just to spare Pearl the agony? – but that moment is all it takes. Pearl's hand, now free from Rose's strong grip, all but hits Rose away in an effort to clap over Pearl's mouth. Her teeth release her tongue and she howls, a muffled cry behind her trembling hand. Some blood pools around the edges of her mouth and she cowers, pathetic, injured, ruined pearl.

After an unbearable silence, tense and prolonged, she feels Rose begin to gently stroke her hair. Her body is shaking all over, and she feels both empty and all too full of emotion at once. It's wrong, a sensation of overwhelming powerlessness, that feels like it's eclipsing her completely.

“I'm sorry,” comes Rose's shaky voice. “I shouldn't have pushed you.”

“They need to go,” Pearl says, and her voice is different, her tongue swollen from the force of the bite. “Need to get away.”

“Who?” Rose asks, knowing its fruitless but pushing on anyway. “And where should they go?”

“I don't know!” Pearl's despair radiated, and she began to sob. “I don't know, I can't say, it's going to be catastrophic, Rose!”

She wishes she had the answers, even if she would be rendered completely incapable of providing them. At least she could change the future, somehow, if she knew just what the diamonds were planning on doing to them. At this point, they're losing the war. It's only a matter of time before they make their decision.

Rose rocks her in her big arms, and she cries. It feels so silly, so helpless, to cry at the things she can't change. All Rose _wants_ is the answers. She's already failed her.

She glitches, hard, dithering and gasping out at the sensation. _Stars,_ she's tired.

“I'm sorry,” Rose chokes, eyes bright with unshed tears, and she kisses Pearl's gem softly. Her vision is blurring. “I'm so sorry they _did_ this to you, Pearl. If I could just... just... I wish I could fix it for you, my love.”

“It takes more than a kiss,” Pearl wheezes, blinking through the dark spots, “to heal damage from the diamonds.”

She releases herself in Rose's arms, scattering her injuries and unspoken truths and her pure, raw uselessness. Rose cradles her until long after Garnet and Bismuth return to her side.

 

**Author's Note:**

> SHRUGS  
> the ultimate weapon is, as we know, the corruption song. because how fucked up would it be if pearl knew the corruption was going to happen and couldn't warn anyone??? PRETTY FUCKED UP IF YOU ASK ME


End file.
